Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
