He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
