Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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