There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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