How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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