How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
