Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
