I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
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found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
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happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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