drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
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