once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
