What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
