I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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