I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
