If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
