honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
