you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Randomize
