meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize