We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
