the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
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