What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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