i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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