Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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