While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
