I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I understand Curling. That high.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
