Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Randomize
