literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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