Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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