just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
