let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Blood and glitter go together right?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
