The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
My ass is underappreciated
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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