when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
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