He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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