areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
