The maid of honor just puked.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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