At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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