Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
