ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
