so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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