were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
