you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
