he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
