Screwed.edu
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
