she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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