Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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