do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
