so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
