guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
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