im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
someone owes me an orgasm
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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