me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
