Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
