Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
