I CAN MOONWALK!
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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