Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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