i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
