I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I deserve this hangover.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
