Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
