I look better un-naked...
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Randomize
