fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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