just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
