Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
