the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
