dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
