How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
