billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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