So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
