remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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