I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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