I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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