I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
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