what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
