Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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