you have to choose: penises or morals?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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