i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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