I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
This is the high leading the old right now
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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