Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
