i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
