I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize