sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
