I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
You don't make any sense
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