just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
