Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
