i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize