Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
