I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
