my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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