In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
